my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
