You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
