it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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