he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
