I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
