Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
