and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
