You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
