My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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