I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
