Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
