Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
