i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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