If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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