I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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