Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
