im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
