We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
