You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
