I want to have your abortion
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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