I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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