Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize