In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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