he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
