his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
