yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
