I heard we made out
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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