If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
