Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
