It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
