Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
