nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
