There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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