you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
