true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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