I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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