And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
the raccoons are back...
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