He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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