You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
