I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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