i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
