ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
