It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
