I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
