Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
