I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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