someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
