Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
