I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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