Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
