I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
