Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
