Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
