Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
