am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Small penises have feelings too.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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