I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
