Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
