Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
