but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
