And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just forgot I was standing up.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
