just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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