I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
