Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize