im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I didn't notice because vodka
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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