you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
