What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
