i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
