Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
