proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
And then my night got REAL pukey
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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