I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I am spending my child support on dildos
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
