p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
