What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Randomize
