u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
